hello i am melon and i try my best to not have to try my best.

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sheppardofhell:

OKAY NERDS I WANT TO LEARN U A THING

ARE U LIKE ME WHERE U HAVE TO SLEEP WITH SOME SORT OF MUSIC ON OR SOME SHIT?

DO U TRY TO WEAR HEADPHONES TO BED BUT UR A SIDE SLEEPER AND THE HEADPHONES JUST DON’T WORK AND THE EARBUDS JUST FUCKIN HURT?

CAN YOU NOT JUST PLAY UR MUSIC OR OTHER AUDIO SOURCE BECAUSE ULL BE THAT HOOLIGAN MAKING THE LOUD NOISE WHEN PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO DO THE SLEEP SLEEP?

AVE U RESIGNED URSELF TO A LIFE OF EAR DISCOMFORT?

IF THIS IS U WELL BUDDY BUCKLE THE FUCK UP I’M ABOUT TO TAKE YOU ON A MAGICAL HEADPHONE RIDE

OKAY SO THERE’S THESE THINGS CALLED SLEEP PHONES.

THEY’RE LIKE FLEECEY WARM HEADBANDS.

WITH  TEENY SPEAKERS IN THEM

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AND THEY COME IN OTHER COLORS AND SHIT, IF THAT SHIT TICKLES UR FANCY

BUT OKAY THAT’S NOT THE END OF IT.

U CAN ALSO GET THE DIFFERENT COLORS, YOU KNOW THIS. WOAH WOW GEE WIZ. BUT U CAN ALSO GET THESE LITTLE WONDERS IN WIRELESS. THAT’S RIGHT BUDDY. U DON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT STRANGLING YOURSELF WITH THE HEADPHONE CORD ANYMORE HUZZAH

THEY WORK WITH THE BLUETEETH IN UR DEVICES OH WOW SUCH TECHNOLOGY OH GOD YASSSS

LITERALLY U EITHER PLUG IN AND SLEEP LIKE A BABY SWADDLED IN AUDIO HEADBAND GOODNESS

UR U JUST CONNECT THE FUCKER AND ALSO SLEEP SWADDLED IN AUDIO HEADBAND GOODNESS.

ALSO THEY MAKE THE ATHLETIC EQUIVALENT. WOW NOW U CAN RUN ON A COLD DAY AND UR EARS WILL BE HAPPY BECAUSE THEY WILL BE WARM AND FILLED WITH THE MUSIC U SO LOVE OH WOW OH GEE YEASSSSSSS

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U NEED THESE THINGS. TRUST ME

U CAN WASH ALL THESE THINGS (READ THE INSTRUCTIONS THO, SUPER IMPORTANT. INSTRUCTIONS ARE INSTRUCTIONAL.)

AND WOAH IF U BLOW THE SPEAKERS U CAN JUST GET NEW SPEAKERS AND POP THEM IN OH WOW

THIS IS THE AMAZING WEBSITE AND WOAH MAN THE SHIPPIN IS SO FAST 10000/10 WOULD RECOMMEND TO U NERDS

IN FACT I JUST DID WOAH

howdyimjrus:

2,000 dollar bird warmer.

i get to be mean to a lot of bad pet owners as a job and i think that’s great

nethport:

compliment the person you reblog this from in the tags

also im saving so many bettas and convincing people to get them filters and everything and to not put them in jars or in massive overcrowded tanks.

pro tip: do not buy one million fucking fish 3 minutes before the petstore fucking closes and also do not let your fucking kids pick out the fish because they will take for-fucking-ever and change their minds and make me swap fish out of every fucking bag that I alrEADY TIED.

unthrash:

straight allies arent allowed in queer spaces because literally the entire point of them is to be around other queer people lmao if i wanted to be around a bunch of straight people i could go literally anywhere the fuck else